Vogue Got It Right
Finally! Vogue gets me. Why would you hire a wedding photographer anyway?
With the money I’ll be saving by not hiring one, I can spend it on things that really matter. Things that would make my #EpicWeddingOfTheYear really memorable. Like buying thousands of monarch butterflies for our guests to set free on our first kiss. Or maybe, get a dogsled team to take me from my custom built yurt at my parent’s estate to our wedding ceremony at this self-sustained gluten-free organic vineyard. Just imagine. Pure white huskies with floral wreaths around their necks pulling me along. I can probably get away with not choosing any bridesmaids if I have these pretty huskies before me instead. Who cares if the wedding is going to be in August. That’s just a minor detail. I’m sure if you add wheels to the sled, it will all work perfectly. It’s going to be so Pinterest worthy.
I mean, when you think about it, why do you really need a wedding photographer? So they can save your memories? Pffffft! That’s what brains are for! Scientists will eventually develop technology that will allow people to just “see” what’s in other people’s brains. Like hello, haven’t you seen Star Wars?
Besides, why wouldn’t I want all 500 of my guests to take pictures at my wedding? We’re already spending $400 per plate for their meals, I might as well put them to work. Let them go crazy AF. Who cares if they might turn out blurry. That just reflects their state of being, which is them being swayed by our happiness. Such an artistic way for them to express their love for us. And really, I won’t mind walking around with both hands on my waist all the time so I will be on fleek on all angles. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. Very high fashion. Very Vouge.
As taking photos for future generations, I would rather have my descendants use their imagination and embrace their creativity instead. I want them to envision us and not depend on a photograph to learn their history. I mean, if they really have my genes, they’ll be blessed with creativity, they won’t need photography as reference anyway.
So thank you so much Vogue for such an enlightening article. Now if all people see the way you do, the world will be a better place for everyone. Especially me.
DISCLAIMER: This isn’t really me. But I had fun writing it.
